Our overlords want you to believe that Jennifer Lawrence, clad in sweeping, strapless Dior, executed the world’s most dainty fall at the 2013 Oscars. But and I don’t buy that story for a second. The two of us — and thousands (okay, maybe dozens) of others like us — hold fast to the belief that Lawrence’s fall was staged.
For me, it was the graceful execution that gave her away: just clumsy enough to burnish her reputation as America’s relatable, fun friend, but not enough to broach the embarrassment threshold. Did she work with a fall choreographer? I’d believe it. As someone who cannot so much as walk into her own cubicle without knocking something over, I know that clumsiness is never that telegenic. But I’ve remained silent as Lawrence “fell,” yet again, rom-com-heroine style, at the Oscars the following year.
Now, with yet another plunge on record — at last night’s Madrid premiere of the Hunger Games — I’m asking the questions that no one else will ask, because they are afraid, or perhaps just uninterested.
In the footage of the event — though, need I remind you, we also have footage of the so-called “moon landing” — Lawrence appears to be bent over, trying to free her high heels from the hem of her Ralph Lauren gown. It’s only when an army of (surely well-paid-off) handlers has fully surrounded her that she mimes the most brief and undramatic of collapses. At which point — the camera conveniently pans away! Even after several Zapruder-style close watches of the suspiciously shaky video, no more clues were forthcoming.
More to the point, no photo that could be found on any wire service depicts Lawrence actually making contact with the ground, er, carpet. Meanwhile, the vast number of photographers and fans present in the video makes it clear that this was a highly photographed event. If she truly bit it, there would be overwhelming evidence. And yet no one managed to snap a shot of the alleged incident? Yeah, nice try, J.Law. While America continues to clutch you naïvely to its bosom, Leto and I will be over here in our tin hats, biding our time until this fraudulence is exposed.