holiday spirit

Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas That Don’t Suck

Surprise, surprise: Halloween is less than a week away and you have no idea what your costume is nor the time and energy to pull a good one together. Never fear! We’ve combed Amazon, and pulled together a bunch of, clever, topical (thotty, irreverent, terrifying, hilarious — take your pick!) costumes that can be delivered by the next day.

Ghost From a Ghost Story

AmazonBasics Microfiber Sheet Set
$14 at Amazon

Some may argue that draping a sheet over your head and shuffling around silently is “lazy.” But when it’s inspired by the over-bloated, pretentious indie film, A Ghost Story, suddenly your costume becomes a “graceful meditation on grief and loss that plebes just didn’t get.” Important note: do not select a white bedsheet — there’s a fine, fine line between “art house ghost” and “KKK member.”

Couple’s Upgrade: Have your partner carry a pie tin while he or she quietly sobs and shovels chocolate cream pie into their mouth all night.

Georgie From It

Splashy Nylon Children’s Rain Jacket
From $27 at Amazon

Every nerd who has been planning their costume since the Fourth of July is going to be a an elaborate (and let’s face it, totally alienating) Pennywise. Yawn. If you’d like to pay tribute to the classic horror movie reboot, how about a creative and definitely twisted option: the film’s first victim. It’s the adorable, lovable, far too trusting Georgie! Just make sure to add some fake blood so it looks like your arm was ripped off.

Green Toys Tugboat
$9 at Amazon
12 Inch Latex Balloons
$8 at Amazon

Baby Asahd

Made in Hawaii! Boy’s Hawaiian Aloha Shirt
From $19 at Amazon

Buy some mini-Hypebeast gear and pay tribute to the only man who can really win Rihanna’s heart, the true king of summer: Baby Asahd Khaled. Sure your bling will never be as expensive as his, but at least you can afford the same track pants as this one-year-old.

Easy Couple’s Upgrade: Have your partner wear the exact same outfit, and insist on Snapchatting/Instagramming/Tweeting pictures of you all night.

Adidas Toddler Striped Track Sweat Pants
$34 at Amazon
Set of Mini Crowns
$4 at Amazon

Jughead

Levi’s Men’s Sherpa Trucker Jacket
From $80 at Amazon

Haven’t you heard? All the kids on Riverdale are super hot (and super horny,) but Jughead, with his 2017 emo-upgrade might be the hottest of them all. Sorry Archie.

Origami Paper Crane T-Shirt
$19 at Amazon
Jughead Crocheted Crown Hat Beanie
$40 at Amazon

Ryan Gosling in Blade Runner 2049

Superhero Costume Jackets Collection
From $150 at Amazon

It might be tough to differentiate between all of Ryan Gosling’s cool jackets (see in The Place Beyond the Pines and in Drive), so just walk around chanting “Cells. Interlinked. Cells. Cells,” and carry a copy of to really drive it home.

Hanes Men’s ComfortSoft T-Shirt (Pack of 4)
From $16 at Amazon

Fashion Nova Model

Lux Stone Large Hoop Earrings
$9 at Amazon

Before you say “isn’t this just an excuse to look hot in some freakum gear” remember that Fashion Nova’s distinct, butt-centric Instagram presence has made it a favorite brand of celebrities like the Kardashian-Jenner clan, Cardi B. and Beyoncé. And yes, you little thot-pocket, your ass will look fantastic in this costume.

Doramode Bodycon Velvet Dress
$14 at Amazon
Shoe’N Tale Over-The-Knee Boots
$46 at Amazon

GLOW Wrestler

Syleia Velvet Scrunchies
$7 at Amazon

Chances are your party will be filled with red robe clad Handmaidens so here’s an alternative group costume that’s just as pop-culturally relevant. Plus, it’s a good excuse to recycle those shiny American Apparel leggings.

Leggings Depot Metallic High Waisted Leggings
$12 at Amazon
Holly Gibbons Metallic Bodysuit
$13 at Amazon

Instagram Influencer

AMIR Cell Phone Lens with Beauty LED Flash Light
$19 at Amazon

All the accessories you need to feel like you have 20,000 followers, instead of just 200. Duck face, avocado toast, and Instagram-husband not included.

MOD Style Oval Sunglasses
$7 at Amazon
Milumia Floral Print Maxi Dress
From $23 at Amazon

Kimye Surrogate/Dad Bod Kanye

City Hunter Pablo Baseball Cap
$13 at Amazon

Put on a bunch of knockoff Pablo gear, a fake tummy, carry around a piece of paper that says “NDA,” and you’re the most famous (while technically anonymous!) surrogate mother on the planet. Alternatively, for a fun gender swap, ditch the NDA and voila: Thicc Kanye.

The Life of Pablo Tour T-shirt
From $20 at Amazon
Rasta Imposta Pregnant Bodysuit
$28 at Amazon

Millennial Pink

Just Quella Bomber Jacket
$30 at Amazon

Go as the 2017’s most overexposed, overused color, you’ll either be the most popular or the most hated person at the party! Extra points if you slap on any of the many logos featuring the shade.

MakeMeChic Wide Leg Jumpsuit
$20 at Amazon
Twisted Velvet Platform Creeper Sneaker
From $17 at Amazon

Rich Lady in Fur/Rihanna

The Original Big Betty Jumbo Wine Glass
$11 at Amazon

Any version of Rihanna is bound to take best costume of the night, but all stans know, the platonic ideal is her looking bougie walking out of any establishment with wine glass in hand. This Halloween, be the best Rihanna you can be.

Caracilia Faux Fur Shawl
From $28 at Amazon

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Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas That Don’t Suck